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THE 

FUSSER'S BOOK 



# 




ANGLE for a lady's hobby, and when you've hooked it 
B play her. If the lady in turn angles for yours don't 
jump at the bait. 



THE 

Fussers Book 

(NEW AND LARGER EDITION) 



RULES BY 

ANNA ARCHBALD 

AND 

GEORGINA JONES 

PICTURES BY 

FLORENCE WYMAN 




NEW YORK 

FOX, DUFFIELD AND COMPANY 
1905 










iwo Oopiss 




OCT 


I9U5 


Jopyngni -csir^ 



6 



Copyright, 1903, 1904, 1905, by 
Fox, Duffield and Company 



CHARLES FRANCI8 PRE8S, NEW YORK 






TO rejoice in life because it gives 
you the chance to fuss, and to 
laugh, and to study the moon; to be 
satisfied with your natural gifts in 
this direction, but not content till you 
have made the most of them; to 
despise nothing but rudeness and 
cautiousness, and to fear nothing but 
bungling; to be governed by policy 
rather than by instinctive admiration; 
to covet nothing that is your neigh- 
bor's except that which you want 
and he has; to think seldom of your 
failures, often of your successes, and 
to spend as much time as you deem 
wise in a feminine atmosphere — these 
are little pointers in the golden book 
of fussing. 



Preface to the Second 
Edition 

THESE rules are useful. Re- 
member them a few years, 
but forget them before they have a 
chance to warp your character. 

THE AUTHORS. 



RULES 

IN the long run magnanimity to a 
rival pays better than a petty 
triumph. All may be fair in love, 
but much that is fair is foolish. 



WHEN you feel like being 
kittenish consult your scales, 
your mirror, and the family Bible. 
A pocket Venus in the bloom of 
youth can sometimes make it win. 



NOBODY likes to be patronized. 
A sense of superiority seldom 
goes with superiority of sense. 



A HAND-CLASP which says "At 
last" at greeting and "So soon" 
at parting goes far toward making 
up for a paucity of ideas. (This is 
respectfully submitted with apologies 
to Mme Recamier). 






mmm 






R 



EMEMBER always to " keep your eyes in the 
boat " ! 



DON'T be daunted by her col- 
lege degree. The intellectual 
girl may be dying to be fussed. 



BE not easily discouraged. Where 
there's a will there's a woman, 
but where there's a won't there's a 
way. 



YOU can seldom make a girl 
admit she is wrong, even if 
you are tactless enough to try. Be- 
sides — what's the use? 



LADIES, above everything don't 
clutch ! If the guest seems in 
danger of departing, rather help to 
speed him. You may be able to re- 
tain him by octopus methods, but do 
you really want to? 



IF at some informal gathering a 
lady is engaging you in conver- 
sation more or less apart don't bob 
up and down every time a new 
person enters the room. It spoils 
the harmony of the composition. 



PIGEON-HOLE your different 
ladies accurately. Better omit 
all retrospective references than at- 
tribute phases, clothes or traits to 
the wrong girl. 



BE careful not to swim out too 
far. Sentiment has dangerous 
currents. 



WHY treat him like a dog 
and then complain because 
he acts the part? 



IF you realize that you are the 
gooseberry don't rub it in. He's 
probably just as unhappy about it 
as you are. 



TRY to leave while the conversa- 
tion is in full swing: it gives 
people the impression that you are a 
person of many affairs. 




nr 



\ 



/ 





BEWARE of too long calls. Although it's true you've 
been brought up to believe that some girls think a 
beau in the parlor worth two in the hair, this maxim may 
not hold good after midnight. 



AVOID the sentimental. Nothing 
but conceit can prevent a man 
from being bored by a sentimental 
woman unless he loves her. 



WHEN a man has a dance 
with you it is poor policy 
to ask him to share it with another 
fellow. Split dances are like split 
peas; nothing but a poor substitute 
for the real thing. 



13 



A MAN worth fussing knows some- 
thing. Find out what it is and 
let him talk about it, instead of lur- 
ing him into depths where he can 
only tread water. 



TIME is fleeting: only a very 
accomplished Fusser can make 
it appear anything but foolish after 
a certain age. 



H 



YOU can't begin too young. Better 
be a novice at twelve than at 
twenty. 



OVE of praise is universal, but 
modesty is the best policy. 



OCCASIONALLY stock phrases 
may go disguised as conver- 
sation, but girls are forever compar- 
ing notes. 



15 



CULTIVATE her father. He 
may prove a staunch ally or a 
subtle foe. Perhaps she has trained 
him, but don't depend upon it. 



BE wise in your admiration lest 
she question your taste or your 
sincerity. 



16 




DO occasional penance : it is good for the soul. Make 
the saddest girl in the room feel that she is the most 
attractive while you are talking to her; or dance during an 
evening with at least one " ice- wagon." 



A 



WELL chosen necktie smooths 
the pathway of approach. 



FOLLOW up a good impression. 
Never allow it to grow cold. 



MOST girls prefer a man with 
a present to a man with a 
past. 



17 



DON'T hesitate to learn from a 
rival. Your adept fusser should 
know a good thing when he sees it. 



USE jealousy with a light hand 
and never in public ; let it sug- 
gest solicitude but not monopoly. 



18 



MAKE him feel that he is sound- 
ing hidden depths. Even the 
Sphinx seemed common-place after 
a man had guessed her riddle. 



NEVER insist on knowing her 
reason. Very likely she hasn't 
one. 



19 



ANYBODY with a purse can 
send flowers. Your true Fus- 
ser looks to his harmonies and 
matches up a frock, a sentiment or 
a pair of eyes. 



N 



EVER say die ! She is not lost 
this side the altar. 



DON'T hang around her when 
she is otherwise engaged, gaz- 
ing at her as if in a trance. It is a 
ruse that makes you look silly. 



IF you feel that the jealousy game 
is absolutely necessary to your 
ultimate success, go ahead, but don't 
make a confidante of your assistant. 
You may reap your harvest more 
rapidly, but there is always some 
embarrassing aftermath. 



I 



T were wiser to be left at the 
post than to run a poor second. 



YOU may have been his inspira- 
tion, but beware of assuming 
a saintly $ose before him just because 
he says so. 



WHEN she asks you for advice 
remember that in ninety- 
nine times out of a hundred what 
she really wants is sympathy. 




I 




FUSS the chaperone, even at the expense of a tete-a- 
tete with "the only one." The longest way round 
is — sometimes — the shortest way home. 



LEAD her gently but firmly away 
f from your weaknesses. She may 
some time enjoy forgiving them, but 
they make a poor beginning. 



HYPOCRISY, thou art a jewel! 
Pick out what you and the 
girl know to be her worst points 
and ask her if she minds your 
mentioning your admiration of them. 



23 



NOTHING is more flattering to 
the modern ¥ girl than the as- 
sumption that she is a human being 
and can take a general interest in 
affairs. Without unduly talking shop 
insinuate a little business, politics or 
athletics into your conversation. 



APROPOS of the "human being' ' 
attitude, don't stop calling on 
a girl or dancing with her the mo- 
ment her engagement has been an- 
nounced. Such a course may give 
people the impression that you got 
left. 



24 



DON'T tell her beforehand that 
you are a poor dancer. Per- 
haps she can't dance either, and will 
never discover you. 



A MERE wrap carrier is often 
welcome, but chiefly for his 
specialty. 



TRY to be a member of the 
live-saving crew rather than a 
wrecker. It is usually dangerous to 
invade a tete-a-tete, but if her eyes 
wander, it is safe to plunge in. 



25 



IT is easy to scare a man away 
by boasting of your conquests. 
He may be loth to add a scalp to 
your collection. 



LET the iron hand in the velvet 
glove conceal your masculine 
superiority. Don't offer to sharpen 
pencils or stamp letters for her, im- 
plying pleasantly that women usually 
do the one with their teeth and the 
other with a shoe-horn. 



26 



EVEN if you were voted the 
handsomest man in your class, 
don't presume that a lady is " pinning 
roses on herself" simply because you 
are monopolizing all her calling hours. 
"Make good" with at least an oc- 
casional car fare or proffer of escort. 
Otherwise, at some psychological 
moment, you may find yourself tak- 
ing a far back seat in favor of a 
homelier but wiser man. 



LEARN a girl's little vanities and 
f flatter her long and openly con- 
cerning them. This can be safely done 
for an indefinite length of time and 
is very taking. Unless you know her 
vulnerable points, however, implied 
compliments are safer. 

27 



DON'T drop her like a hot coal 
the minute the music stops. 
Seem loath to let her go, and waltz 
a few extra steps if necessary. This 
is tremendously telling, and so easy ! 



WORDS are cheap. When 
introduced to a girl at a 
ball, even if you decide that she 
won't do, at least remark : " May 
I have one later on?" — It makes for 
good feeling. 



28 




USE but two fingers to help a lady into a car or cab, 
and mind, no pushing U -[This rule carried into 
effect makes you the third man in America who really 
knows how.] 



LET your feminine charm enhance 
r the attractions of your athletic 
prowess. After a strenuous yesterday 
let him find you cool and dainty 
to-day in a muslin gown, and very 
feminine in manner. Heavy boots 
or tennis shoes alone will never 
take you far along the Fusser's 
Path. 



HOLD off at times the little 
attentions which you feel are 
expected of you, but don't hold off 
too long. This rule has both a mas- 
culine and a feminine application. 



29 



RESPECT her serious side (if 
she has one) and don't meet 
her fads with an amused, indulgent 
smile. She won't love you for that 
attitude of male superiority. It makes 
her feel that the real thing in you is 
lacking, and in spite of herself she 
loves the real thing. 



CULTIVATE a tact that conceals 
itself. If you feel that a man 
is caught with you at a dance don't 
aggravate the wound by laughing to 
him at the situation and yet show no 
inclination to find a way out of it. 



30 



LET the method of fussing fit the 
r girl. For remember all girls 
aren't cut from the same pattern. 



REMEMBER that all that chills 
you is not cold. In all proba- 
bility she has been advised to refuse 
an invitation once in a while, or to 
be out occasionally when you call. 
Above all she may fear to give the 
impression that she is sitting at the 
telephone waiting for you to ring her 
up. Learn to distinguish between a 
slight frost for diplomatic reasons 
and the cold spell that ushers in a 
whole winter of discontent. 



31 



WATCH how the wind blows! 
On a boat place the straight- 
haired damsel with her face to the 
breeze. This keeps her stray locks 
in place. She knows they are unbe- 
coming to her, and she can enjoy 
you more when not worrying about 
her looks. The girl with curls, 
however, rises superior to any wind 
that blows ; and is aware of the 
fact. 



M 



AKE her care before you try 
to make her jealous. 



32 



BE graceful as well as useful. 
In diving under a table at the 
end of a dinner, for the purpose of 
corralling your partner's handkerchief, 
gloves, smelling salts and fan, don't 
mar your host's mahogany by a too 
violent impact with your skull. It 
may create some temporary amuse- 
ment, but detracts on the whole 
from your reputation as an accom- 
plished fusser. 



DON'T assume that you are her 
only suitor. Imply rather by 
your general attitude that all man- 
kind, of course, is ready to eat out 
of her hand. " 



33 



DISCRIMINATE between the 
false and the true. When 
she truly cares she is apt to appear 
indifferent, but she almost surely is 
indifferent when she appears to care. 



BE ready to learn from any one. 
There are subtle depths in the 
gentle art of fussing which even yet 
may not be revealed to you. If you 
study the method of your best be- 
loved you will discover things you 
never dreamed of before. 



31 






A T 



TOUCH of confidence adds relish to a long letter. But 
remember that confessions invented for the occasion 
are safer than real ones. 



WHEN negotiating a difficult 
street corner don't grasp 
your fair companion by the crook of 
her shapely elbow and steer her in 
one direction if she shows any real 
inclination to set sail in another. 
The course of true love is never 
helped by such a crossing. 



DON'T think, because he sends 
you $10 bunches of violets at 
his own free will, he enjoys being 
trapped into car fare and soda water. 



35 



MAKE up to the little sisters 
and all small girls. You may 
be able to lord it over them when 
you are twenty and they are only 
ten. But some day when they are 
twenty and you are thirty the tables 
will be turned— and they don't forget. 



NOTICE details in a girl's looks, 
tastes, and frocks, and at 
some far future time compliment 
her on them. Length of memory 
linked with closeness of observa- 
tion will doubly flatter her. 



36 



BE politic. When talking to one 
girl do not expatiate on the 
accomplishments of other "Pippins" 
and "Queens": it betrays the ama- 
teur hand. 



STEP carefully. Remember, when 
you put your foot through a 
lady's $250 gown, that her sweet 
smile upon you is all composed of 
heroism and that you are lucky if she 
is not inwardly cursing you. Learn to 
gaze earnestly into your partner's 
eyes, at the same time that you skill- 
fully and delicately avoid the edge 
of the "creation" trailing just ahead 
of you. 



37 



STRIVE for a happy medium in 
seating a lady at the table. 
Neither be so slow that she is in 
danger of missing her chair, nor in 
such a hurry that you knock the 
edge of the table against her knees. 
The first seems to denote a vacuous 
mind ; the last makes you appear too 
eager for food. 



CARRY yourself with confidence 
but not with over- assurance, 
remembering at the same time that 
almost everything is your fault. 



38 



DON'T add insult to injury. It's 
a great mistake to try to cover 
up one's rudeness to a lady by an 
attitude of general nastiness. Almost 
impossible as this may be for you 
to grasp, she sees through your 
assumed attitude every time and 
accepts with astonishment the fact 
that any one can be so silly. 



DON'T kiss your dollar good-bye 
before treating your best be- 
loved. Spend what you can afford 
with kingly carelessness and make 
up your laundry bill in another 
quarter. 



39 



NO matter what degrees of inti- 
macy and warmth your inter- 
views may attain, terminate them 
with a return to your usual conven- 
tional manner. Suggest that " it's all 
off" even if you intend calling her 
up on the 'phone within the hour. 
This tactic adds the two ingratiating 
elements of elusiveness and surprise 
to your intercourse. 



DON'T be timid about " butting- 
in" at a ball. No girl in this 
world was ever annoyed because a 
man made her look popular. 



40 




HUMOR the Athletic Girl. Make her feel that she is 
the one good fellow of her sex, but never imply that 
this masculine touch detracts from her feminine charm. 



CULTIVATE a breathless eager- 
ness to learn everything about 
Her, whether it be her views on 
Browning or the kind of scent she 
uses, and jolly her with gentle ques- 
tionings to this end. This is one of 
the cheapest ways for acquiring the 
reputation of an "interesting talker." 



DISCOVER fancied resemblances 
to celebrated actresses or pro- 
fessional beauties. Use the formula, 
"Do you know you remind me 

more of than any other 

woman I ever saw ?" and flavor to 
taste. 



41 



CULTIVATE desirable parlor 
tricks, but don't chase the 
monkey to his "Lehr." 



EVERY experience is a teacher. 
The accomplished "Fusser" 
keeps you "light on your feet" while 
the bore develops your sustaining 
powers. 



RT is long." Rise Phoenix- 
like from the ashes of your 
failures. 



42 



BE not misled by sudden graci- 
ousness. Many a man im- 
agines himself a canvas back when 
he is only a decoy. 



CAST your bread upon the De- 
butantes and it will return after 
many seasons. 



V 



ARY your methods ; all fish will 
not jump at the same fly. 



43 



DON'T abstract your attention 
when two feminine things are 
talking along lines not strictly your 
specialty, and then, when they ad- 
dress you for the third time, excuse 
yourself with the remark that you 
thought they were just talking to 
each other. 



BE moderate in your honesty. 
Never enlighten a girl if she 
has made some mistake to your 
credit till discovery is imminent. 
Perhaps you can take the hint and 
earn the praise. Undeserved praise 
costs nothing but conscience and 
brings you much. 



44 



DON'T take the game seriously. 
She may be only an accom- 
plished fusser, and not really in love 
with you at all. 



B 



E chivalrous to all, but easy 
to none. 



*IS better to have fussed and 
lost than never to have 
fussed at all. 



45 



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